My mother was severely damaged emotionally and psychologically.
They say it occurred at the toddler stage when her parents were busy and thought they had proper day care.
It was a different time, the thirties when life was grim after the roaring twenties'
They grew up with all the glamour of those years not theirs to have and then the collapse.
They came of age with no hopes at all accept each other having been sandbox kids.
They had known each other from before school age, visited each other and sought the knowledge as families did of each other's past such as where they were from.
And when they were eighteen, they were allowed to get married, midstream 1935.
It seemed a wise thing to do for the two young ones, after all their siblings had not been as lucky to find others at all much less with a comfortable family to blend in with their own.
Actually, I don't believe the Scandinavians with the touch of Russia were ever accepted by the French Canadians from quiet Pennsylvania, but they pretended really, really well.
Anyways, they went off on their adventure and had their European honeymoon which they had saved for or had been offered by one of the older ones in order to be accommodating towards each other's families.
This way we can each visit each other's backgrounds and origins and explore new ones together.
As things go, she came along right away and before the first anniversary.
No birth control pills in those days for a newly married young woman.
They did their best with the new arrival, but it had already had a severe shock.
It was born.
My mother was peculiar and years later would explain to her therapist, that she did not understand why she could not just stay in the womb.
She was quite comfortable and had no reason for coming out at all to face the world.
Her mother could just keep her warm inside the rest of her life, all nine months protruding!
Yes, her personality was one of those that did not mesh with others.
And then she had another problem, she was handed off to an old man who had the notion of spanking her.
Neils probably did not know any better, his wife had handed him a dozen babies, again no discussion of abstinence in her day.
Oma and Opa were happy to see her but she already had her face screwed up with a disbelieving expression on her face.
Who are you two?
It had been difficult being born on a boat headed the wrong direction, and at least one parent swore the other one had picked up the wrong infant.
She had also won the New Years eve award for being born.
She got tiny little gifts and great big welcomes by the authorities and on both sides of the Baltic.
She was born on her way to Copenhagen but arrived in Leningrad instead, wrong boat, all those names looked the same in the dark with a woman in labor.
Poor boy, the little man with the big heart and the beautiful dame on his arm.
She never did forgive him for introducing her to his other relatives all bloated and pregnant.
But what was a man to do while visiting Europe where he had spent more time than that miserable Moab desert his family had wagoned trained and got no further.
At least hers had made it all the way to the Pacific ocean.
Life went on as it does with the new couple getting used to each other and the new arrival refusing to believe it had to put up with amateurs and adolescents at the same time.
She could not get over any new thing and spent her life that way, wondering why she had to have new experiences.
And then the war occurred.
Her parents had already made contacts in Europe and were aware of the Nazis advance on civilization.
She was an experienced radio communicator as their location was a little further south than intended and travel was still difficult.
Her brothers had taught her how to use the radio for their farms in Midwest and the father enjoyed communicating from the ocean where they had the fruit farms to them.
She signed up first in Canada where he had a friend and then was sent to London to make the announcements just as she had been trained.
He went off and joined the RAF Canada parachutists squad.
His father had been a WWI flying ace, having mastered the airplane which was then used for crops back at the farms.
They were an import and export family of merchants who had stopped in Ogden because they had wares to sell and only got established in San Francisco in time for the Great Earthquake to destroy it all.
He was accepted for training because of his dad, but Captain Jack he was not and was put on special duty.
Look, they gave me a special job, instead of flying, I get to jump out and land!
She sighed and wondered if he needed glasses, as his father whistled thanks to the commander about not sending his son into combat.
While she was dodging things in the London blitzes, he was learning the landscape from the air.
On their honeymoon they had taken a lot of walks and gone to every old place they could think of for his family's business and her personal interest.
She got blitzed and ended up in hospital and he landed in the wrong country, breaking his back.
While they were both laid up, someone else had my mother who should not have been there in the first place.
If only she had not mistrusted the kind old man with the accent, she would not have had to have a variety of babysitters, nannies and others during her early developmental years.
My mother never did get over anything at all.
One of those women took her to an orphanage and tried to get rid of the howling clinging thing.
Another had it shipped back to Canada, where it ended up in the animal section for some unknown reason.
And another one actually took her home with her to Kensington Castle.
Oh my, what a delight.
Not royalty herself but all those people with servants.
What was a spoiled little girl to do?
Wait until I was well enough and come get her from my parents!
Just wait until your father gets back!
It took a little bit longer than most, the war for my grandparents.
She covered it first as an announcer than as a working reporter, going out into the military baracks for interviews and any news of her husband.
He had fallen on fortune, not a POW camp for him but a traveling mobile unit.
With his broken back they kept him and moved him with them as they went deeper into the woods.
Eventually he made it to Cairo where his father had flown out of and then to Morrocco and then home to Paris when it was all over.
They had planned to live in Paris and kept an apartment there that had been inherited and not sold.
It never did work out between them, too much had happened after spending so much time together.
Life is strange, after struggling and sacrificing, they could not reside in the same house.
Later of course, life got better and things explained and forgiveness was granted.
Meanwhile, the spoiled one had grown a tumor in her head, probably from eating mothballs.
Her habits of eating everything and anything were well known.
She hated canned anything as that was the family business, picking and pickling and processing the fruits and vegetables into commodities for sale.
She had also meet a little boy whose father did something top secret, something she did not believe and he had to live on the West coast with his uncle who was in the navy.
The whole Pacific fleet new about the little boy who had been rescued from the auntie who just wanted a child and lied to her husband as to how she acquired it.
Good thing, it was his sisters child or she might have gone to prison.
Strange things happen in those Appalachians, and this family had acquired oil, an oddity, they sent two girls to Arabia to marry princes and her to the universities of Europe while the boys were shipped off such as to the Navy to keep them all busy and not idle rich.
Having received a Doctorate, Laura went and got married and impregnated.
Her life was short and her son came out unusually small and never did grow to his full height.
There was the short story of how two families should never have meet on the beaches of the Pacific.
I think my mother purposely choose poorly in order to annoy her parents.
What she got was a pot of gold in my fathers small heart.
Life was never going to be easy for anyone after the wars and those vanquished did not understand to follow home those they blamed for their unhappiness.
They had no homes to go back to after the bombings and it was easier to lie cheat and steal thier way into America.
Anyways, my parents got married later than sooner, he went off to college and then the Korean war while my mother dallied around.
This time the couple were held back so there would be no misunderstandings.
It still did not work as life is just that way.
After half a dozen pregnancies my father called it quits with his wife's personal vendetta to get rid of each and every one of the offending intruders.
Her brain cancer had developed quit a ways by then and her thinking was completely screwed.
Not that she had ever been easy to teach and never did accept certain things such as gravity and electricity.
Life was a puzzle to her and her kids always wondering where they would be next and how to get back home.
In the end, everything was taken away from them by too many interlopers.
At one point, the mothers mind was so severe she began to repeat the crimes that had been done towards herself.
Holding her own kid's hostage or setting her husband up to be killed.
That school shooting was typical of her obsessive behavior pattern.
Dwelling on the negative every minute of the day.
She would want impossible things or bring the wrong people home or give away the family possessions.
And then there was teh day she discovered her husbands gun. Just like her father he had a service issues firearm, locked and hidden from view.
She could not get enough, probably had caused her parents divorce her obssession in owning her fahters gun and the great lengths she went to obtain it and then use it as extortion.
Her husbands, she just toyed with the idea of shooting herslef, her husband, her kids.
She had been in a number of bank robberies and I swaore there wre ties she switched sides during the heist.
Going to school and holing up a bunch of kids out of fear was someting she would have done.
Keeping her family from knowing how far her mind had dwrifted was aslo normal.
Sitting there with negative thoughts all of the time.
Always dwelling upon getting even with her own relatives while loving those not hers because they had not caused her harm.
She wanted her way all of the time and never would take no for an answer.
We all prayed she would not use the gun but knew one day she would go too far in her own delusions.
The rest of us began to break apart, break down or became wrecks.
My grandparents both died mysteriously, while my father appeared to suddenly have lost his mind.
My real siblings had been sent away perhaps to protect them after all the harm done.
I swear we all have heart conditions from the frights we had when little from her behavior.
If she ever thought of walking in and killing the President we would not have been surprised.
It was that bad at times.
A bus full of children hanging off a cliff because she could not figure out how to drive was not an unknown treat for us to experience and wonder about.
Her problems with all of her own relatives issues from somewhere else, we were not an aggressive family but a firm one who were disciplined individuals.
Fear of what she might do next prompted her own parents to put a stop by way of nursing homes and care facilities not prisons.
Her own children hardly know each other much less who they were supposed to be to others.
Frauds always existed showing up where they ought not.
Such as Demi Moore who still believes she is the real one.
Such as Meghan Markle whose father had a stroke and yet there she is in a community she would not leave alone and had to be arrested a number of times before it was explained that her only way was to pursue an acting career.
Just as Demi, she goes through a performance and gets paid for it.
The boy could have been her son, he was the right age and she is also the right mentality.
Have you not noticed her mental issues and defiance against authority?
Want to bet she does not have a long history of mental institutions that her social worker foster mother has swept under the bridge?
Why did she have to show up if she did not already know the community?
Why was she not at home with her father whom she hates?
My mother never really had a chance at a life of normalcy and her parents blamed themselves.
Her children worried about going to prison for her crimes because they could not reason with her nor the community that saw the pleasant faces blondes as normal instead of monsters who followed us until there is only one standing alone dealing with the same problems.
Authorities do fail sometimes to recognize the real problems and not respond in time when they see no harm because they have been told to expect a non aggressive or non negative outcome.
The reality is no one knows what someone else is thinking not even those frightened of their own mothers constant demand to do battle with them while the onlookers applaud and encourage and then slide in to misrepresent the truth.
I lived briefly in that community and then Demi showed up claiming me to be false.
It was the end for our family unit, and she shows nothing towards those she destroyed accept to get in our faces and ask us why we just don't get it.
What she says and does in private is not what happens in front of a camera.
How much has she gotten away with, one wonders, Meghan could be her daughter she is the right age and mentality.
Life does repeat itself and dying of grief is not something I am not aware of; I think every one of my own relatives who dealt with my mother's damaged brain felt as if they were going to die or wished they could die because the pain was so severe of her world that she lived.
Instead, the world gets the fantasy of the Demis and the Meghan's who clearly are not getting the grief the rest of us experience through our own relatives.
Sadly, some are never sane, not when they are born and not when they die.
No comments:
Post a Comment