Motherhood

 I did not have a mother but a monster.

She had early Dementia when I was a teenager.

She had lost her brain to cancer by the time she was fifty.

She died at 69 with 80 percent of her capacity metacisized.

She was no more than a four-year-old at any given time.

My mother was born to a couple of newlyweds who had married at 18.

They had known family strife and knew they were in love.

They had not expected a baby the first year.

Nor the one they received who was a holy terror to deal with.

She never did get better just larger.

Pure hatred is all I knew from this person whose brain had never developed.

They dont know what went wrong but she was not seen as normal.

She was pretty and could do things for appearance's sake.

She would never do them for long nor get the message.

She hated her parents and never got over having to have them tell her what to do.

She did not want to raise her own children.

She had at least six of us that I know.

She probably ate the rest of them.

She was always pregnant and never knew how it had happened.

My father was beside himself to explain that his childhood sweetheart

Had turned into a monster from hell.

She preferred to raise other people's kids.

She spoiled them and made them behave in horrible ways.

They could not tell that she was lying to them.

Just for the sake of lying to them.

She hated them as well they simply were just too stupid to understand.

There must have been 200-500 of them.

Some of them would tell me they were her real daughters.

She only had the two identical ones and one of us died.

There was no replacement, but they kept showing up anyways.

And then there were the babies who arrived as soon as I was born.

They were her grandbabies, and they could not be told no.

How does one believe that a 6-month-old baby has given birth?

Or a three-year-old or a six or nine?

Not until one is twelve is one capable of having a period 

And ovulating causing a pregnancy

These little bitches are more than stupid

They are evil and won't give up the cause

 Of being meaner and crueler than herself

They gloried in teaching her new things.

And yet want to sit there saying I just want my mama.

They should have known better when they grew up

But they did not want to go back to not being allowed 

To play with the bad grandma

Instead, they kept after her even though by then it was obvious

She was out of her mind

Her own family died one by one of shock

While her children were sent to different areas of the world

She was never to have her boys back 

But other children were brought to her instead

They are terrible things in the world

But a massive amount of parents 

Willing to have their children taken from their beds

To have them exposed to nudity and aggressive behavior

To allow them to be lied to by a crazy woman

Who just hates her own flesh so much.....

There are no words for those people

But the babies' bitches are bastards

And will never be forgiven by God no matter what religion

Nor will they ever get away from the law

They just want to treat people badly because they don't know any better

Her mind was gone the woman who gave birth to me

If the other women had left her alone

And allowed her parents and family to deal with her

She might not have gotten so bad

But that was the joy of watching my mother be made to be their animal

She did not even know when she was being made fun of

Nor shamed by others

She had no sense of proportion nor knowledge of the world

She gave away hers and other goods

Believing she would be loved for it

They just wanted more and kept coming back

Until her heart gave out and there was no more to give

So, they came and took what they wanted anyways.

Her mind was gone long before she was an adult

And no one cared enough to take a look at her eyes 

No one thought of her own inner turmoil 

Nor the anguish of everyday having to give in to her own relatives

A mad woman is all we knew and nothing else

Her parents marriage was gone by the time she was twelve

They never recovered nor wanted another child after given this one

Her life would have been worse if we had not tried

Her relatives

Others did what they could to destroy her

Why?

No one knows except it was easy just too easy

And she suffered everyday

And could do nothing but think of what else she do wrong

For her parents and her own children

She has no grandbabies and none of them care

Except to one more time cause tribulation and without cause and for no reason at all

Except it is easy just to easy to control someone else for no reason at all ....