Dear Mrs. Diane Sawyer,
I wish to respond to your newest program, “Delayed and denied.” You may remember my own mother had difficulties in having children. She was in fact almost always pregnant. Not my father's fault but those early pill preventive days were not her choices. She ended up having brain cancer, eighty percent of her brain was gone, despite that I kept putting her into treatments. She had the most issues with me being her daughter.
The primary thing my mother wanted was for me not to have been born. She did not want children nor a daughter. Her first was only six months old when she was found to have miscarried in the days of the abortion laws. She was convicted under those laws of the premature death of her fetus but did not go to prison due to her being married and under a doctor's care. However, she never got over the idea that she had committed infanticide.
Hence my birth was un-welcomed as her first born and a girl. I also had a sister who was my identical double who died when she was five. She said she could not tell us apart but treated us differently. Even afterwards, always laying the blame on me and refusing me my identity. This is the opposite of not having an abortion, the refusal and rejection of the mother for the live birth.
My real reason for writing is the issue of who owns the vagina. The government, the doctors, the parents or the husband? Certainly, the woman herself has no control over her own vagina. We must endure inspections by doctors who claim they are helping us. We submit to our parents to a certain age as to what we are not allowed to do, only to have a husband demand to make decisions for us.
Many clinics will not tell a woman when this occurs, even when the life is endangered. It is also the issue that my mother out of her concern would assign me a male to guide me through difficult religious decisions.
My life is my own as is my beliefs, I always felt guilty in sharing those beliefs with others. Now that she is gone, I have found that it has not stopped and was probably not her fault. There are those who just can't get over how easy it is to take over someone else's life.
Which leads me to my current situation of having uterine fibroids. Benign tumors growing inside the uterus with no ability to abort them. I have been dealing with this since I was a preadolescent. Already had a moth ball before my menstruation which was delayed until I was fifteen. I had also gone through kidney failure and dialysis. By the time I was an adult I was jaded towards certain things and wise towards medicine.
I have spent the last ten years since menopause set in just before fifty which is young on not having a hysterectomy. Why should I have it removed? It is doing no harm nor is it likely to get anything new at my age. What I really don't want is to lose my ovaries, which is what makes one a female according to medical standards. But once a woman is over forty, they no longer care whether one has ovaries or not. Women doctors are the worst discussing the issue as they are healthy childbearing.
It is also my decision not to have an organ removed since I already went through the other thing with my kidney. But really, how many MRI’s and Ultrasounds does a woman need to have? The most recent one says, yes, I still have multiple tumors not cysts and one is larger than normal. In fact, where it is located at the top of my uterus, it distorts my abdomen to the point that some rudely make comments about me being pregnant. Now I have gone into the realm of being called obese and diabetic. My last ultrasound of my thyroid indicates an enlargement causing hypothyroidism.
This is all what a woman without a man sitting there goes through. The real issue is of course I have always had this one guy named Jimmy who keeps telling people what he does and does not want me to have. He has been committed and convicted but uses my last name which gives him a whole lot more power than I have on my own. No matter who or what I may or may not have been, even a university degree at any age does not qualify me to make my own decisions. I have tried through the insurance companies to complain about billing for too many exams. I have gotten my preferred treatment of reducing through a FUS-Mri machine approved by the insurance but was told an outright lie by one female Obgyn that they did not have one in the entire county.
Jimmy has even interfered in some of my procedures, coming through locked doors to take over what the doctor is doing. He has always had difficulties in not understanding that he is not an authority. I understand there are many who have had hysterectomies because of him. The real problem is why he is allowed to come into a women's clinic and say anything at all. It is not an abortion of his child that he does not want where the law might be considerate towards him. When I have called the police, they always defer to him, to the point that he began to have me removed from my living arrangements.
Throwing me out on the streets just because he wants his way. He does have a marriage license with our two names on it nor any other document. He has tried to get a court order on me but was denied by a judge. Not that I have not caught him showing up with paperwork. Now he is apparently waiting until I am done. If I go back for something such as a lost sweater, the response is shock and dismay as if they have been informed of me not being honest. I have perhaps had a nervous breakdown or come close to one dealing with the amount of negativity experienced. This after surviving my own biological mother's hatred!
My quality of life is minimal and has been worse during the Pandemic. I am on better footing but still have no promise of anything in the future. Causing someone to appear to have mental issues or losing their way of living such as being employable is against the law. The government wants to have the decisions of a woman's right to terminate a life. This is debatable, but what about the other types of women's care that is in fact harmful to her medically and mentally? Why should any woman endure what I have in the past decade? Just because I am being aged out? And what about me being told I am not going to have a baby?
I am now over fifty and no longer married, it is none of their business if it does not endanger myself. It is also something that many do encourage in some scenarios of giving a woman a chance at a later life of having a child. I want the right to decide for myself which treatment I want to pursue despite others religious beliefs or insane demands. I have missed out on at least a decade of interacting with anyone at all over this issue of not being allowed to even be given the information that there is someone speaking to my doctors. The false diagnosis and the way even the dentist want to make me get a consent form from my doctor in order to clean my teeth is unreasonable.
Malpractice suit is an obvious choice, but I am concerned since I have received so much negativity from all the clinics that it is being done on purpose because of some unknown individual or issue I am not aware of. I am now being recommended to a pulmonary specialist over my breathing which is very severe, showing the issues of my health decreasing over a problem with something I can't remove but has been allowed to grow larger because of lack of treatment.
If I should die from this lack of medical treatment would anyone attempt a wrongful death? I just found on my records from this last January that I tested reactive to Hepatitis A A/B, which means I had already had it or was experiencing this horrible disease which causes liver damage if untreated. And it was untreated, they did not even tell me I could be contagious to others. I am appalled at the new female doctors who show less concern than a male over a woman being manipulated. Hillary already passed at least one health care reform over certain types of treatments such as making one get on the scale before treatment. There are other laws about not finding out what one eats at home or out or what they buy. Is it my zip code or my chest size that matters?
Really, whom should I go to in order to get the fair treatment I deserve as a human? The government agencies want evidence which is not forthcoming when even the lab technician can't find your vein. Except for the bloodwork, which is all over the place, the other exams provide evidence I am not imaging ill health. But ill treatment has left me without any resources till I get someone to take care of my obvious health concerns without anybody else making the decision for me.
Who really does own the woman's vagina, if not herself?
A former colleague,
Camille
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