My Mother was not ready to be a mommy when I was born.
She was also not ready when my sister was born.
They caught her on the way out of the plane after giving birth to me.
My grandfather was in hot pursuit as usual of his one and only dividend.
When he finally caught up with her and the ah hah moment was me being held up as evidence.
She had another one sitting there in plain sight that she had just given birth.
My poor grandfather never did win an argument with his progeny.
She was almost thirty and had made a mess of my father's life.
So, they the parents on both sides made her get married.
The end results.
Twins!
There were two of us and mirror images.
My grandfather knew he was beat.
He knew his daughter.
There was no way to make her believe she had given birth to me.
So, he took me home with him and made the most of it.
I was allowed out on good behavior, hers.
To visit my family but was never really expected to stay.
At some point my father became aware that he had two girls.
Not happy was he, nor wanting to go down the road that led him to meeting my mother.
Again, and again.
Sigh, he was too old to play the same child games.
She never did grow up and her brain deteriated at a rate
That would startle any scientists.
She ended up with eighty percent of her brain metastasized to cancer.
That is another story.
My little sister was precious and spoiled.
I enjoyed playing with her and cried when she showed up unexpectedly.
I had to return her as quickly as possible
Or she was going to inherit my life.
Aurora was always dying and going to the hospital
Awakening in an emergency room, the morgue or even a coffin.
I am a survivor I am told.
She was not and fragile in her emotions.
We learned to get along somehow
With my mother telling her I was not real nor her sister.
Dawne and I just looked like mirror images of each other.
We walked into alot of danger and waltzed out usually
She liked to dangle from Ferris wheels and rollercoasters.
I often was found in impossible places
Such as Patagonia or Siberia
I even made it to Tibet and meet the Dali Lama!
Then she needed to meet him as well.
I took her to see the Pope
He made a few calls, and there he was visiting California.
We are not really Catholic but Orthodox
And old school protestant.
One leg or foot on each side of the border and religion.
Just to make sure there was no misunderstanding or mistake.
There came the day when it was her turn to end up dead.
My poor father cried to himself and went to work on a handmade coffin.
She was so small and unique
He could not keep back his wage the rest of his life
Even his real sons were unsure what to do
My mother was an atrocious liar.
She lied to everyone, from the Pope down to her own children.
They did not know who I was at any time.
Except I was always there after the divorce.
My father began to forget he had sons
Instead of Jim.
I complained that after a while I had selective memories.
They all included Jim and none of them made sense.
He was trying to replace the memories of others with him.
Like putting his picture over anything I look at.
He had someone hoodwinked in order to get them to do it for him.
I fought it myself and even got a degree in psychology
Because I knew there was something wrong.
My parents did not seem to notice.
My father went from great to worse.
He feels apart after awhile
And no one seemed to be able to put him back together.
Enough of his friends tried and complained to me about it.
My mother never did recover the shock of giving birth
To any of her half dozen.
She insisted Jim was hers no matter what, because he was the one, she had not had.
Anyways, I recall getting up and crawling out of at least one coffin
While my family were sitting there having a funeral
What going on?
I don't know when she began to suspect
But at some point, we both knew we could not be caught together
Or one of us was going to die.
A week before Christmas
It happened, we were together
And it was going to be a good Christmas with our favorites.
Family!
The grandparents were going to be there
And they had promised the boys as well.
We were being especially good
Both of us.
Then she disappeared.
And we got in the wrong car
The neighbors who had no clue
What hit her but we were dead
Both of us.
I awoke once more from a really bad place.
And crawled out of the back
To discover
That someone had dragged my sister out as well
But had left her once they knew she wsa dead.
I had done a lot of praying in my day
And now I pulled out everything I had learned
From both the Pope and the Dali Lama and anyone else.
Just not Beelzebub!
That would bring Jimmy.
She did not respond to my tender affections.
She was gone.
It took me another six hours to finally be torn away from her
lifeless body.
As it lay in a morgue instead of me.
I was guaranteed she would be there the next day.
He was wrong, but it happens sometimes.
An adult that is not told the truth himself.
But we had to find my parents first
And he had lost as well.
We found my grandmother first and then his boys
While waiting to for the phone to ring
My father walked in to find a stranger.
He never did respond the same after that.
His boys came and went
I'm sure he loved them.
But when she found her way back
From where she had gone for a ride
With those people who were not friends.
And found out about the situation
She made the one girl disappear
And the other the device to get even with everyone.
I was not to know how many times she told people
I was lying or dreaming or just making things up in my head.
I was not real to her nor was she going to allow anyone else
To believe in my birth.
Otherwise, she would have to go back to that point
when she had decided to get up off an emergency room bed
And flee
She was not going to back
Nor acknowledge
That it had ever occurred.
Her reality was a fantasy world.
she had developed while grandpa was away at war.
And she was not at home with her mom.
Not Grandmas fault but she was working
And her brothers' wives were not willing to accept an extra
They did things to the one sister who had a baby
But no husband
They made sure they had access to their husbands
Afterwards they became suspects
As Nazis
From the way they always knew where theirs was.
But not where my mothers was located.
Whatever she suffered
Is not compared to what she made everyone else suffer.
I spent years working in various things.
I also kept entertaining morgue attendants.
The doctors put me to work after a while.
Working with the dead or at least the labs.
I ended up with a Forensic degree.
Not something I wanted.
Archaeology.
Does not have flesh on them bones.
Dry bones, dry ancient, cracked scraps of bones.
Ugh.
She was well protected at first.
I found her where my mother had sent her.
Mainly because she had stolen my face when she was born.
On a school trip to visit in DC
One of those places California kids do not get
The real world with all the possibilities
Of where to go to work.
In other words, government agencies of all kinds.
From Libraries to national institutes of science.
She was pulled out of her little draw
On purpose by a guy who had no idea
What the rest of the class
Was going to do
Start puking and screaming.
He just wanted me to see his special one
No one was supposed to touch her.
Little sleeping princess.
That is how i also lost my name to her.
It was not her fault
But among siblings that is how it goes down.
Again,
Undermined.
She had to be taken care of before Jimmy found her.
He found her!
We were told about the night visits.
My father did not seem to understand.
If he ever did get the phone call
It was always mother I argued
About her being moved.
I worked there on and off
And brought in reinforcement
Til the day I was old enough
To sign her out myself.
But first they gave me her kidney
As I almost did die on dialysis.
That was stolen from me.
Jimmy found out about that little operation.
He made a switch
But got caught that time.
He made it a point
To always know ahead of time
About any medical emergencies.
And now I can't get anything done.
We moved her several times.
Leaving behind false clues.
A plastic skeleton.
He did not like that one at all.
The next time he caught up with us.
He was left hanging upside down
In a meat locker.
Something else had to be done.
Finding a refrigerated place for her
Was becoming a problem.
And the parents were not speaking to each other.
And the grandfathers had forgotten who I was
In fact, they who survived WWII
They were both showing shocked
And only knew about Jimmy.
Not even I registered.
He had worked wonders on them.
They had forgotten that there was any girl at all
Nor were there any other children.
Just Jim.
Weird.
As finding her another location.
I passed her off to another one.
Just make sure it is secure
Don't tell anyone at all.
He immediately told mother.
She removed her from that location.
I spent a few years not being able to speak.
And then one raining night.
The backyard had a visitor.
Out of the ground arose
A thing.
On inspection
It was a box
A box with a skeleton
A small female
Had been buried in the back yard.
Like a dog.
My father was very angry and upset.
He had found out years ago
That his little coffin was empty.
Now we had to go visit the church.
In the middle of the night
And a storm.
I was muddy and waited outside.
I should not have done that.
Never do that.
Always go in and find out what is happening.
He told his sad tale.
And then was shown the coffin
Inside was a small child.
Dressed as a Princess.
She had buried the child
After she was told about it
By the one I had trusted.
He was never the same again
He had not told me
But also did not argue gain.
This I guessed.
I did not know what she had done
Was then tell everyone that she had two
Two dead bodies.
After using my sister's body
To prove I was not real
She was now using two dead bodies
To prove I was a liar.
My father did not know for a while.
He was angry with me.
That I had lied.
All that time,
I was not his daughter
But someone who would not go home.
She just could not stop
With her dementia
Lying to her own family
Using enemies
For her games
And her fantasy world.
None of those girls will be forgiven
By God.
No matter what name he uses
Nor which one they call on him with.
I finally got wind of what my father
Was now angry about.
Me.
As usual
I went to work to correct the situation.
I had our blood tested.
Surprised grandfathers sat there with him
He had not known what else to do
But get both of them
Together
One last time.
They both died within a short time.
And then it would be his turn.
All because Jimmy could not be caught
Making up stories and causing trouble
Again, and again.
She never did see her sixth birthday
The boys never did have another real Christmas
And I was again both
Exonerated.
And screwed.
I proved to the men I was the real one
But she was not going to go down.
She started a different attack.
On her only living daughter.
Her mother had given up the fight.
I still wonder where she is buried.
Or what ever became of their grandmothers.
Having two great-grandmothers was not usual.
I know one froze to death outside
While Jimmy let himself inside.
To tour a place that was not his.
We on our way to Utah
With her just sitting in the back seat with me
When we were car jacked.
I know the car was found in a barn.
In California,
With a skeleton sitting in the back seat.
Jimmy drove past me once
When I was waiting for the school bus
And he was not old enough to drive.
In fact, he failed his driving test.
I knew I could not tell my parents
They would not believe me.
I did tell grandpa
I saw his mother out for a ride
Sitting in the back like a queen.
I don't know if he ever caught up with her.
But I guarded the next one
And the next one
And probably won't find
Any of them in the right place
When Gabriel
Blows his horn
For them to arise
In that far off time
Of the Grand Resurrection.
According to a few Protestant
Religions
Who believe there will be a second chance.
For some
But not others.
Maybe God
Will remember my birth
And know not to strike me dead
When he discovers I am still alive.
My father's misery proceeded his death.
He was not able to forgive himself.
But when a man loses everything
And is still presented
With a woman he does not know
Has gone ahead of us all
To that other place
In order to destroy
It as well.
She might not ever rest in peace.
But for the rest of us
Peace will never be enough.
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