Are you guys crazy?

 

History is being made

Today the whole world

Should be watching

Instead it is those 

Unqualified CNN girls

Talking about Trump

And nothing but 

Trump

Oh and Stormy Daniels

Hunnies, little bunnies

There is news around

The world

If you just go outside

Or get off your texter

You might walk into something

Such as those boys

Who went surfing

Oh my god

They still do that!

My childhood

Was full of wonder

For this new sport

Of surfing

They got up on boards

In the middle of the ocean

And made it back

Without falling off

Turns out it was all 

About sex and drugs

Who were these guys?

Lonely guys

With nothing else

But to follow 

Grandpa into the water

Really sorry about their

Deaths by the way

But tires?

Are we kidding?

They were all shot

In the head

For their tires?

Don't believe that

That one either

Then again

I don't believe

Most of what 

Is said by these girls

After all 

Every single one 

Of them 

Except Amounpour

Has the same mother!

I gurauntee

If you make them 

Tell you, they will

All tell the same

Bizarre story

That they all 

Are born out of wedlock

To the same 

Hapless reporter

Who traveled the world

And could not get away

Fast enough

From communities

That just want

Extortion

Of an American

I am not their mother!

Any of them

That includes you

Cooper

You son had better

Have someone else

On his birth certificate

I am thinking

Seriously of suing

CNN

For the kind of defamation

Of having even one of them

Claim that I am their mother

And then they are going

To tell me that they spoke

To grandma from the grave

I have had girls 

Hand me the phone

With her on it

Mother!

How are you feeling?

From six feet down?

She died almost 

Tweny years ago

And dont even start

On who their daddy

Might be.

Not only was I not

Known for having sex

They will not name

A famous male

Or I will have them

In prison 

For blackmail 

And slander

Even if I shook his hand

Or sat down and interviewed

The guy 

That includes both

Trump and Putin

Which leads me to another 

Question?

Why does no one go after

Biden?

I notice they never claim

Him to be their daddy?

Are you all afraid of Jill?

But not Bill's Hillary?

Not enough money?

What is it about 

This generation

Diane?

They dont know anything

And then they get really

Surprising dumb with me

Going to sit on my lap

Thats not going to go well

Have a needle up thier sleeve

Im not allowed to testify

Against them

Then again they all 

Have little sniffles

And needle marks

Between their toes

Don't they 

Just drug addict children

Of traffickers left abandoned!

These girls want to be

Seen as smart

And yet they have been

Caught

Lying about their parentage

Who can take anything

Any of them say

If none of them

Have birth certificates?

Or parentage issues

They want us to listen

And listen and listen

But none of them 

Know  anything about

The world

My mother by the way

Diane had brain cancer

I know you remember her

Cookie had forgotten

Her best friend

But she was one of those

Who approached you

When you will still

Inside the white house

Made a few bizarre statements

Before being sent home

Life was hell after that

Not your fault

But she had been on the  news

With Tom Brokaw 

In California

But she started getting

Really out of hand

Not unlike

My grandmothers days

Of being on the radio

When there was no television

Except in places such as

New York city and Los Angeles

Could someone get her 

Under control

Where the hell is she 

This time

Followed the tobacconist

Right into 

Chruchill's bathroom

While he was taking a bath

Had come to speak to

Roosevelt on the Potomac

Found a little girl

Starring at him

Over his suds

With his cigar sticking out

And then their was that other guy

Al Capone

Followed him right into

His favorite restaurant

Just to see what he was eating

She had the habit of taking

Everything for granted

Including other peoples meals

I have no idea why I eneded

Up being taken to bankruptcy court

By her when I thought my bills

Were paid in full

But she knew something I did not

Her bills were enormous

Somewhere there is a bank account

With my name on it

By the way 

Do you recall

I came to DC 

About a decade ago

And paid off my student loans

Again in full

They say I still owe them

How  many times did I go 

Through that when I was younger?

All the other kids

Were using my name

And getting loans 

Of financial aid

And then guess who had 

To pay it off?

Me!

By the way girls

I have sat on Joes lap

When I was very small

Or was that my sister?

Sometimes I forget

Which one did what

My sister and I

Were identical 

But did not live

In the same place

My mother could 

Not handle two faces

Screamed anytime

We actually got together

Eighty percent of her brains

Were gone

She was working with less

Brain matter

Than most retarded individuals

And drug addicts

Poor mom

She did not have much

Of a life after that kid

Found her

Captain Kangaroos son

Born to someone 

Besides his wife

Jimmy just suctioned

Onto my mother

Like a leach

Never did let go

And he always ate 

Everything he could

The goldfish in the bowl

Those turtles that went missing

And the bunny rabbits!

I was a vegetarian in those days

Out of survival mode

I'm not joking about suing

By the way ABC

Any of your girls 

Claim I am their mother?

I recall being on GMA

And having to have it

Explained to me 

About another child

Seeking my soul

Over some misunderstanding

What did Joan 

Do when I was not on the air

Put out advertisement

Anyone who wants on the show

Only has to falsely claim ....

\

For the last time

David and i were a couple

Before Joan and Charles

She is older 

But had started in Sacramento

While I was already

Traveling into NY

On a regular basis

Hey Kid!

You want to do something

Different?

Can you sit still

For two hours?

And smile?

Foolishly I was tired

Of the correctional facilities

And said yes.

I was always sent

On those difficult

Assignments

I interviewed both

Hurricane the fighter

And Mandela the upriser

In their prisons

Got my tiny story

On the front page

Of those old-fashioned things

Called newspapers

When was the last time

You saw a news stand

Diane?

Have you heard of this thing

Called the Met Gala?

Did not see a single thing

About it last night

Nor this morning

Jackie O

Used to go to it

No one knows 

Who that is nowadays

It is lady gaga

Who also better not

Be calling me mama.

And no I did not

Have sex with her son either!

And as for Mr Putin

I did interview him

Way back when

There were cameras

And not cell phones

To take pictures

Are you sure

You are not taping this

No, no taperecorder

Nothing in sight

Still did not believe me

Had me investigated

Also got that one

Into the newspapers

Went back to shcool

Because no one seemed

To know who I was

Not even social security

Has any records!

I bet he has records

Anyways it was odd

Sitting there with a bunch

Of young ones and an old guy.

None of them knew 

I had already been published

And anchored

What happened ?

Did 2000

Wipe out everyone else's

Memories?

Poor me

When I hit

65

There had better

Be something waiting for me

Because my hereditary

Arthritis makes it hard

To type on this thing

Another six years

For the Russian 

Good for him

At least we know him

And not Zelensky

Who should be facing charges

At the UN

For his inhumanity towards

Those Welsh descendants

In Donetsk

Why has no 

One thought of that?

I have!

When will they learn

The ones feeding the information

To the anchor

To doublecheck

They guy does not have

Any commitments or something

This guy just does not

Feel right in the head

While the other guy

Is just good at what he does

Like the old boys

Now long gone

Oops

Sorry Dan, Donald

Tom and Ted

They are still alive

Arnt they?

I'm not dead yet....