You Know...

Rykers Island

Is not that bad

Boys 

From the Secret Service

In fact if you ask nicely

I bet they will

Let you get 

Your 18 holes in

There is just enough

Room for a golf course

They even have it green

There is also room

To build your own 

House out there

It was once 

Fort Astor 

You know

Civil war era

One of those 

Rich guys 

Named Astor

Wanted to look good

So, he built a fort

For the Union

To train and house 

Men fighting the evil one

And before that

A family named 

Rykers owned

The whole thing

There's a thought

Why don't you buy it?

Or even better

There is one of those

Weird laws in New York

Hasn't been taken off

The books as far as 

I know

And I know

Because I was once

A Columbia Law school student

It goes back to the first

Skirmish

Called the American Revolution

When York came to town

He was the British guy

With a red coat

And a bunch of angry men

Who did not want

To cross that channel

He burnt down 

Most of the area 

The rich ladies

Offered themselves

As hostess to afternoon

Tea which included....

It was that or be executed

He lost the war

But they went ahead

And named the place

After him instead

New York....

Anyways it is this way

The rich don't have 

To fight or go to prison

They can pay someone

To take their place

Did you know that?

Commutation

In those days

It was 300 dollars

One paid the government

In order to avoid...

That is only about

Twelve thousand in todays

Market

Although the guy might 

Want a little bit more

You know

I have a better idea

I happen to know

Someone 

Who has never served

His confinement

Even though he is a convict

He always manages 

To get out of it 

Somehow 

And then he just

Waltzes in to any area

And sits down

Telling the authorities

That he is their boss

And they believe him!

One thing about being

The kid who looks like

His father 

Captain Kangaroo

Is people just automatically....

His name is Jimmy

Not Jimmy Hoffa

Whom I am pretty sure

Got strangled by this kid

Just looking in the bag

And wham from behind

That is another story

Its Bullocks

For your information

Jimmy Bullocks

He is not my brother

Nor my father

Just uses his spouses name

Because he is a wanted man

Our Jimmy

Wouldn't you like to see

Him out there doing 

Your time?

You could conscript him

Or just turn him over

I know

Where he lives?

Yes, Maybe?

Oh come on

No one wants to see

You actually go through

This thing

Just give them

Jimmys name and address

Tell them he volunteered

For free!

I remember you had

That conversation

Anything, anything at all

Just call me!

He is the one of course

Who snuck in and looked

At all your files

Before setting them on fire

He is a fire bug

He told me once

If I hear of a fire

Think of him

Maybe he will 

Do you a favor

And burn down 

Rykers!

Hasn't been known

Not to brag about it

And as for 

Putin's Palace

In the woods

He is probably 

To blame for that 

As well

Do not call me!

I am not going

To go out to that

Place!

I happen to be 

Related to those 

People

The Rykers

Not going to be 

Blamed for some

Outbreak or something

Besides it would 

Not look good

Did you know

That somewhere

Downtown Manhattan

There is a wall

With my ancestors name

She was the Mayors daughter

Married some guy 

Named Wheat

Who ever heard of them?

Just one of those 

Massachusetts Bay Colony

John did his duty

As a guard in those days

And then got robbed

By his sister Mary

When old Moses died

She said he wasn't 

Married and took his portion

Of the inheritance

They moved to Maryland

That family

In order to get away

From all those tea drinkers

Good old fashioned 

Coffee rebels!