If Putin was a cowboy singer...

Honey, I needed you to be at home last night.

Your choice a good time to go traveling.

I have more than half a billion men deployed.

They all just want to go home instead of fight.

And those two little rich princesses you left me with

Are eating us all out of the house.

Your choice a good time to go on a trip, honey.

There is this thing in Britain which keeps changing its occupants.

Why don't they just make up their mind who is prime minister!

And with the old lady dying I have to put up with a new boy named Charles.

Not to mention this comic clown who is creeping around Kiev.

And then there are those American politicians.

They keep changing their minds every day it is a different story.

Sorry, we got hit by a hurricane and yes, we had a tornado last week as well.

And those smart guys getting buried in their backyard or at least their car.

Honey, you picked a really good time not to be home.

Honey, where did you go this time?

I have no time to go on a picnic.

My Crimean bridge was crippled and

Were under threat of a damn exploding.

Don't even mention the nuclear station boiling over.

Then there is extra tall girl who plays ball,

Locked in my jailhouse just because 

She should not have come to Moscow.

Too tall, you know, they just wanted to arrest her.

I have no time to play house with you nor Joe.

In Ukraine, they are burning their houses on purpose 

And laying the blame on me and my men.

Then there is that stupid trail about Mar largo,

In America, those men must be crazy to get voted in.

As soon, as they make a mistake they get shot in the back.

No, No don't tell me where you have gone to hide this time, honey.

I got this crazy guy named Volodymyr demanding I be executed.

While you play infirm somewhere unable to walk back.

And that little French guy Macron and his stiletto heeled wife

Make a great couple at Funerals but what future do they have?

You just stay put wherever you have gone this time.

I don't even want to hear about guys if you find her.

Those children being shot at schools or 

Murdered on their way home from school.

It is just too much to handle all that is on my plate.

They have even canceled Christmas in St Petersburg.

What no Christmas for me to go home!

Impossible, no joy here no relaxation there.

And I am expected to keep my gas pouring into Europe.

All this with no thanks at al from any of them at all.

Just stay hidden, honey unless of course you contracted Coronavirus.

Please tell me she is not laying somewhere bleeding.

Why just now does she have to disappear. 

Maybe if I take a really long nap she will be there when I wake up.

Just like all those Soap operas.

What go wrong next I wonder?

Maybe another spaceship will blow up

Or a meteor will hit somewhere unpleasant.

Me stuck to this desk until I have a son to take over for me.

Oh, I don't have one of those, Honey, when are you coming back?